Few years back when I was a great reader of books, I choose
to become a writer myself. I started with blog and very soon realized that it’s
not my cup of tea. I am not good enough writer to be considered one and that
can be seen in my blog post. But I kept
on writing on blog things I love, about my college time, my take on football
and other stuff and very soon I realized that fiction might not be my forte but
still I can take nonfiction part. I thought about the various thing that can be
written about, first thought came in my mind was football
.
Football is the thing which I love to watch, write and have
a opinion about it. But problem is in India you get very less information about
Indian football to write about. Like for example east Bengal my favorite club
have not been even covered properly by their own website so how could I. but I
choose to write about them as often I can because of my affection towards them.
Chelsea fc is another club I am crazy about more than east Bengal and they are
the only reason why I love football and I write about football.
But things where not as good as it sounds, writing week in
week out become difficult job, when you want to write about the things you
don’t know. People gave their opinion about your blog, some love it and some
hate it. But what make you more vulnerable about their opinion is you want
attention. It happened to me also; I wanted people to read it, comment on it
and talk about it. There each good comment was like priceless for me but each
people who chose not to comment were becoming riddle to me. Why they didn’t comment, they didn’t like it or
I am not writing it good anymore. It was a gray period of my life as a blogger
when I choose to write for other rather than myself. That corrupted me as I
writer who wanted more praise rather than a good writing.
I written blog for self praise, tried to repeat things which
people liked earlier and it worked for some part. But somehow things got worst
with me, I was not writing thing which I love, I was writing things which
someone or others loved. I lost my originality, my choice of words, my humor
everything. It was more like their words, there humor and there blog. It was
all because of me hunger for praise. It is really hard to resist when you start
something good, and that is what work in good and bad way as well. I could have
never realized it what was I missing, but one fine day I great friend just tore
my blog and writing apart. She was just putting me in uncomfortable positing
with each of her comment and I was completely taken back by that. Few days I
didn’t talk to her but kept on thinking about it. What I am doing, Is she right
what she said, or is she just one of over spoken people you often met.
It took me almost a week to get back to her and tell that
she was right. She said all the things right and I completely fine with her
comments and said sorry for my behavior. For the first time I realized that why
I wanted to write because of my good reading but I stopped both. I stopped
reading other because they were not making me happy about myself, and writing
what I want to write. That day I promised myself, before writing any more
things I need to first empty myself with all the thought of writing I have. I
did that and felt better.
Now coming back to present blog, I just written it because
sometime you journey to something become so interesting that you don’t care
about your destination. But you want to just continue in journey and keep
learning. At this point of time I more interested in journey those other
things. While I personally I know people
who are better writer, speaker and better expresses about their feeling to
others but what I have is a fighting sprit to keep working on and coming back
with better and more better work.
I am really trying to start from zero and thing time it is
all about me. Writing is all about what you want to tell others rather that
what other want to read. Because people will read only good thing once you give
to them rather then they demand for it.
P.S.: It is almost 1 AM in the night and I really love this
new me as write. :)
