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Saturday, December 28, 2013

When you said, I am not your friend

The movement I read those words, something inside me felt like broken. I really felt bad about it, which just made me take a look inside myself. I realize the point that it was my mistake to not keep up to the point which I have agreed, and it was not acceptable but after all we all are human and we make mistake.

I don’t somehow I am unable to keep my friends happy all the time, intentionally or unintentionally I keep hurting them in a way, that keep distance from myself. I am little bad or you can worst to keep up with friends. I don’t call, I don’t text, I don’t meet lots of people, I don’t reply them on time, it is like totally unsocial person inside me which I can’t get out off. Whenever there is any brake in the friendship often when I look back, I found myself as a culprit, this one is also one of them.

I have lost so many friends in life, that after a point it stopped hurting me, people came and gone but I don’t care about any of them. But somehow this one has hurt me; I have made someone felt bad whom I never wanted to feel bad. I don’t know why it happens, but somehow losing courage to say the truth has cost me. There are people in life who are just beyond measure of BF and GF, they are just pure friends, I had few and in last one year I have lost both of them. Today was last straw in it, I know my mistakes have cost me, but somehow I thought they will understand me.

“She” has been with me when I was most alone in my life, I was away from home and I needed someone whom I can trust. She has been my sharing point and also the most entertaining point in life, no matter how busy our life have been, somehow or some where we got the chance to take and we just feel so better. Losing her has been my biggest loss, she is neither my GF nor my BFF but she was someone whom I know, I can count on.

Life goes on even when you feel low or you lose best thing in your life. I am learning that part, how to cope with it, but at time I feel what my mom says, “Saifi, one day you will be left alone, because you don’t mingle with anyone”, I think she know me perfectly that how unsocial his son is. Mom knows everything. I can’t do anything for it right now, no matter what I try, in a week I will be back to my usual self. I don’t know what will happen, I will be left alone, all the people will embrace me, but some time it is hard when people don’t understand and even don’t ask you about why you did it.