‘I once dreamed about…’

What I dreamed about once, I asked myself. Almost everything it replied to me. From being a teacher to from being a sports person, from being a farmer to being a actor. I dream of being everything in life which actually doesn’t happen. So right now I am sitting on my office desk on working Saturday, yes I know it sucks to work on Saturday but then also I am going to write about the things I dreamed about once.

Teacher: From class 1^st to class 4^th, I only wanted to be teacher. That was the best profession in my eyes at that time. You come in class at your own will and leave in 45 min., if you wish to teach you could or else you can say, ‘head down student I have some work’. You can scold anyone, give marks anyone you want and live the life as you wants. Whereas being student is boring thing, daily same dress, early morning bath, have to be on time to school and worst was HOMEWORK. Teachers has to give homework, where as student has to DO homework. But my life played tricks with me, as my family gives me something else to ponder upon which is given below.

Doctor: Being only son of family always makes you darling the eyes of everyone. But it gives you added tension as well if your elder sister is quite studious. After dropping my idea of being teacher, I picked up choice of being doctor because my elder sister wanted to be. I always wanted to beat her in marks, in everything we did. We were so competitive in life at that time. But chemistry subject betrayed me big time. I never was able to understand why there is chemical equation and how we can balance it. Why misbalance it first place if we have to balance it. This was not it in biology my spelling mistake was like big thing. One time my mom saw my answer sheet there was only red dot below every spelling because it was not correct. Finally in 9^th std. I gave up on dream of being doctor as well. Because rather than being a bad doctor I choose to be a good patient. My one friend consoled me, ‘if we all become doctor, then who will be patient. So we choose to be patient’.

CA: This was the actually one which I tried to become. I choose commerce after 10^th and I realized how few options are left to me. But then also I was happy with my choice, in the end I get rid of chemistry and biology.  CA was different kind of exp. For me, I worked hard for six month for its CPT exam. At that time I used to send 12 hours studying and rest of time in coaching and sleeping. In short means no life was left in me. And fortunately or unfortunately I failed in exam by 2 marks. That was really painful for few days; I could not eat, sleep and talk to people. I thought people are laughing at me, ‘look he can’t even clear CPT’. Those where dark days in my life, but somehow I realized look what I am doing in life. I had no life for last 6 month and if I took this forward I would end having no life for almost 5 to 7 years in minimum. Really I need that, no was the answer from my mind. I was that close to become but finally chose something else.

Coming back to today, these are few dreams of my life from my career point of view which I wanted to become. Some time I look back at my life and I think what would have been my life, if I have chosen any one of those career.

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda

Goodbye 2012 or welcome 2013 ????

I am not sure how to see this, either say goodbye to 2012 or say welcome to 2013. In either case one is leaving and one is coming in the life. There are few things which we will leave behind and some things we are waiting in the next year. Life is strange; we don’t often value the things we have in life until that is gone. Every year is the same case, once it comes to end then we realize its real value in our life and importance of it.

This year has been important in my life, on professional front as well on personal front. Life is professional front has become more stabilize and now I can put focus on other things in life. People fear about their future and how they are planning about their life accordingly, but I have been talking all things year by year. Till now it has been awesome in the professional front, I am learning daily new thing about my profession and also about myself. The best thing I learned about myself I was so restricted in my learning throughout all those year. Now I am doing things which were out of league in last few years. I could now thought to do those things, not because it was difficult but because I thought it could not be done. But now after trying it, now I know it can be done. And that is the amazing part of it.

This year I again realized how much I hate shopping in life. If you send me inside a mall and give me option of buying a jeans for myself, I would end up getting nothing myself. The more I see things, often it up confusing me rather than helping me. It makes my choice making more difficult because clothing is something which I don’t put my focus on. As one of my friends pointed out to me recently that you have to enjoy the process of it, then you’re buying process will be easier. I hope it does next year to me.

With each new phone I tend to realize, how much amazing was my last phone and also how amazing phone I need next phone. Currently I am using Samsung Galxay Ace S580, it is amazing phone it terms of feature but still somehow I still miss my Nokia phone. I not sure might be because of Battery life but I remember few things which I can do over there and not here and what I need in next phone. Life for this phone my basic criteria was a camera with flash phone. For next I have already drawn few lines, hope next year will bring thins phone much faster in my life and with greater peace.

Socially connected is the most irritating thing for me this year, with each passing day facebook is becoming more irritating to me. They just taking all of us for granted, because the way they are changing their privacy policy is out of my head. For example the Instagram in his new policy said, they can use any one photo update after this date for any of the ads or any commercial process. That is most insane thing I heard, say I put up a photo which can be used to promote Alcohol then they can use it. Even if I am against the Alcohol, that’s what I am getting as a common used from this.

If last year has been all about being friends in life, then this year turn about to all about being UNFRIEND in life. Often in life we call lots of people our friend but they turn out to not, it happened with me also. I believed in lots of people but not all of them have been true to me or I have been true with him. Life moves on, people move on but personally speaking I am just trying to make sure I know who my friend is and who are not.

Welcoming any year is difficult, but there has to be some good reasons for that. In next post I will post how would I am looking forward to 2013, till then wait for HAPPY NEW YEAR.

I am an ANGRY INDIAN

I opened my facebook, twitter today and read the news of girl who died after battling of her life. There was strange feeling of anger in me, a pain which I can’t explain and a sadness which can’t be consoled. But when I saw there were thousands of people like me who are angry, sad and more so frustrated with system. We are ANGRY INDIAN, those who chose to do nothing but only being angry on every other thing which doesn’t please us.

I am Angry...

For us protest means changing facebook status, twitter status, sharing pictures and sometime sharing our views as well. Who cared about that girl for these days, we all cared for our self. We read the news, talked about it and changed our profile picture and protested. That was it from our parts, we all is angry that what is govt. doing? Why they are not doing anything for us? Why they keep silent on everything and just keep pushing public away?

My question is why should they? Have we done our part in democracy? Our part was to vote and vote for right person not for any party and any person. I don’t have any party and any person but I hate being told that you have to vote this person only and you don’t have a choice. We all had a choice but we choose not to use it, we didn’t VOTE included me. I didn’t vote because there was no good candidate but that made the bad candidate win also. So, how could blame the others for my own choices. I made the choice to make chargesheet holders MLA and MP, then why now I am blaming them for doing nothing.

The best part we do is being angry. We become angry on price rise, we become angry on not getting job but we never think that we are also part of system which chooses not to change. We all hate changes in our life, and that has been our order of life.

What I will do as a Indian after this case. I will protest on facebook, twitter and other social media platform. Apart from that will criticize govt. for nothing and will skip our part from this grand debate. We all are part of this country and our responsibility is to build the country and not to let is destroy itself in the anger. And biggest problem is we all want a hero who can solve our problems and country also. We want more Gandhi, Nehru or Subhash Chandra bose, but no one wants to be one of them because it is selfless job.

I am no longer angry with others, I am angry with myself. It is my choices which have to be better for any change in future. I have to vote; I have to fulfill my social responsibility and also try to be a role model for our younger ones. In the age of facebook and twitter we chose to say things and rather than do things.

P.S.: This anger is good if canalized but bad if we do damage to our self.  

I am free soul now

Few years back when I was a great reader of books, I choose to become a writer myself. I started with blog and very soon realized that it’s not my cup of tea. I am not good enough writer to be considered one and that can be seen in my blog post.  But I kept on writing on blog things I love, about my college time, my take on football and other stuff and very soon I realized that fiction might not be my forte but still I can take nonfiction part. I thought about the various thing that can be written about, first thought came in my mind was football

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Football is the thing which I love to watch, write and have a opinion about it. But problem is in India you get very less information about Indian football to write about. Like for example east Bengal my favorite club have not been even covered properly by their own website so how could I. but I choose to write about them as often I can because of my affection towards them. Chelsea fc is another club I am crazy about more than east Bengal and they are the only reason why I love football and I write about football.

But things where not as good as it sounds, writing week in week out become difficult job, when you want to write about the things you don’t know. People gave their opinion about your blog, some love it and some hate it. But what make you more vulnerable about their opinion is you want attention. It happened to me also; I wanted people to read it, comment on it and talk about it. There each good comment was like priceless for me but each people who chose not to comment were becoming riddle to me.  Why they didn’t comment, they didn’t like it or I am not writing it good anymore. It was a gray period of my life as a blogger when I choose to write for other rather than myself. That corrupted me as I writer who wanted more praise rather than a good writing.

I written blog for self praise, tried to repeat things which people liked earlier and it worked for some part. But somehow things got worst with me, I was not writing thing which I love, I was writing things which someone or others loved. I lost my originality, my choice of words, my humor everything. It was more like their words, there humor and there blog. It was all because of me hunger for praise. It is really hard to resist when you start something good, and that is what work in good and bad way as well. I could have never realized it what was I missing, but one fine day I great friend just tore my blog and writing apart. She was just putting me in uncomfortable positing with each of her comment and I was completely taken back by that. Few days I didn’t talk to her but kept on thinking about it. What I am doing, Is she right what she said, or is she just one of over spoken people you often met.

It took me almost a week to get back to her and tell that she was right. She said all the things right and I completely fine with her comments and said sorry for my behavior. For the first time I realized that why I wanted to write because of my good reading but I stopped both. I stopped reading other because they were not making me happy about myself, and writing what I want to write. That day I promised myself, before writing any more things I need to first empty myself with all the thought of writing I have. I did that and felt better.

Now coming back to present blog, I just written it because sometime you journey to something become so interesting that you don’t care about your destination. But you want to just continue in journey and keep learning. At this point of time I more interested in journey those other things.  While I personally I know people who are better writer, speaker and better expresses about their feeling to others but what I have is a fighting sprit to keep working on and coming back with better and more better work.

I am really trying to start from zero and thing time it is all about me. Writing is all about what you want to tell others rather that what other want to read. Because people will read only good thing once you give to them rather then they demand for it.

P.S.: It is almost 1 AM in the night and I really love this new me as write. :)

Last note before new journey

It was really a wonderful journey I had while creating, nurturing and writing on this blog. When ever you look back at all those happy and doom movement you realize how Insane you where in your though, Yet there where some people who believed in you. They where more insane then me to make me happy about that, well naturally I love them all for that and Just could not thank enough to them.

I don't know why I am saying this, but some journey are special because you know you destination but there are few journey where you don't know your destination and you keep on going, reach somewhere and finally know how good your journey was all the way. Every start has its own end, some has good ending and some has bad ending. I often wanted to be part of bad ending because that what make you dare to dream again, make the thing right this time when you are at the end of it.

I have already decided my next year resolution, I will be writing very much less on this blog. It is up for grabs for any other person who loves writing because it is time for me to move on from here to search my new destination. I will not stop writing but very less on this blog.

I took this decision because of two things. First being I love this blog like my child, Because of that I could not write certain things about life which I really wanted to do. There daily 100 of people reading this blog, 60000 + already visited it but that not I want. Some time it better to leave you best part in life to part of some thing new. Some one said to me few years back,
" नया पाने की चाहत मैं ,
पुराना छूट जाता है "
How true it was, well my friend have always told me good poetry. Lets see how my new Journey turns out to be.

P.S.: Some secrets are never meant to be reveled.

Secret of Happiness

Last night I read one fascination short story; it is still on my mind which I wanted to share with you all. Somehow it is a story which makes me feel how much we are missing in our life.

A certain shopkeeper sent his son to learn about the secret of happiness from the wisest man in the world. The lad wandered through the desert for forty days, and finally came upon a beautiful castle, high atop a mountain. It was there that the wise man lived. "Rather than finding a saintly man, though, our hero, on entering the main room of the castle, saw a hive of activity: tradesmen came and went, people were conversing in the corners, a small orchestra was playing soft music, and there was a table covered with platters of the most delicious food in that part of the world. The wise man conversed with every one, and the boy had to wait for two hours before it was his turn to be given the man's attention.

"The wise man listened attentively to the boy's explanation of why he had come, but told him that he didn't have time just then to explainthe secret of happiness. He suggested that the boy look around the palace and return in two hours.

"'Meanwhile, I want to ask you to do something,' said the wise man, handing the boy a teaspoon that held two drops of oil. As you wander around, carry this spoon with you without allowing the oil to spill."The boy began climbing and descending the many stairways of the palace, keeping his eyes fixed on the spoon. After two hours, he returned to the room where the wise man was.

"'Well,' asked the wise man, 'did you see the Persian tapestries that are hanging in my dining hall? Did you see the garden that it took the master gardener ten years to create? Did you notice the beautiful parchments in my library?'

"The boy was embarrassed, and confessed that he had observed nothing. His only concern had been not to spill the oil that the wise man had entrusted to him. '"Then go back and observe the marvels of my world,' said the wise man. 'You cannot trust a man if you don't know his house.'

"Relieved, the boy picked up the spoon and returned to his exploration of the palace, this time observing all of the works of art on the ceilings and the walls. He saw the gardens, the mountains all around him, the beauty of the flowers, and the taste with which everything had been selected. Upon returning to the wise man, he related in detail everything he had seen.

'But where are the drops of oil I entrusted to you?' asked the wise man."Looking down at the spoon he held, the boy saw that the oil was gone.

'"Well, there is only one piece of advice I can give you,' said the wisest of wise men. 'The secret of happiness is to see all the marvels of the world, and never to forget the drops of oil on the spoon.'" The shepherd said nothing. He had understood the story the old king had told him. A shepherd may like to travel, but he should never forget about his sheep.

This story tell me something about the life, we all miss so many thing in life while focusing on the useless thing on life. We can only enjoy life if can maintain the balance between what we want and what we have to do in life.

I have been dreamer all my long life, I know most of my dream is like out of class but still they are in my heart and close to me. One day even I can also find the right balance between the life and dream. Hope I can do that.

P.S.: This is story I read in "The Alchemist" from Paulo. One of my favorite authors.