Wednesday, December 26, 2012

I am free soul now

Few years back when I was a great reader of books, I choose to become a writer myself. I started with blog and very soon realized that it’s not my cup of tea. I am not good enough writer to be considered one and that can be seen in my blog post.  But I kept on writing on blog things I love, about my college time, my take on football and other stuff and very soon I realized that fiction might not be my forte but still I can take nonfiction part. I thought about the various thing that can be written about, first thought came in my mind was football
Football is the thing which I love to watch, write and have a opinion about it. But problem is in India you get very less information about Indian football to write about. Like for example east Bengal my favorite club have not been even covered properly by their own website so how could I. but I choose to write about them as often I can because of my affection towards them. Chelsea fc is another club I am crazy about more than east Bengal and they are the only reason why I love football and I write about football.

But things where not as good as it sounds, writing week in week out become difficult job, when you want to write about the things you don’t know. People gave their opinion about your blog, some love it and some hate it. But what make you more vulnerable about their opinion is you want attention. It happened to me also; I wanted people to read it, comment on it and talk about it. There each good comment was like priceless for me but each people who chose not to comment were becoming riddle to me.  Why they didn’t comment, they didn’t like it or I am not writing it good anymore. It was a gray period of my life as a blogger when I choose to write for other rather than myself. That corrupted me as I writer who wanted more praise rather than a good writing.

I written blog for self praise, tried to repeat things which people liked earlier and it worked for some part. But somehow things got worst with me, I was not writing thing which I love, I was writing things which someone or others loved. I lost my originality, my choice of words, my humor everything. It was more like their words, there humor and there blog. It was all because of me hunger for praise. It is really hard to resist when you start something good, and that is what work in good and bad way as well. I could have never realized it what was I missing, but one fine day I great friend just tore my blog and writing apart. She was just putting me in uncomfortable positing with each of her comment and I was completely taken back by that. Few days I didn’t talk to her but kept on thinking about it. What I am doing, Is she right what she said, or is she just one of over spoken people you often met.

It took me almost a week to get back to her and tell that she was right. She said all the things right and I completely fine with her comments and said sorry for my behavior. For the first time I realized that why I wanted to write because of my good reading but I stopped both. I stopped reading other because they were not making me happy about myself, and writing what I want to write. That day I promised myself, before writing any more things I need to first empty myself with all the thought of writing I have. I did that and felt better.

Now coming back to present blog, I just written it because sometime you journey to something become so interesting that you don’t care about your destination. But you want to just continue in journey and keep learning. At this point of time I more interested in journey those other things.  While I personally I know people who are better writer, speaker and better expresses about their feeling to others but what I have is a fighting sprit to keep working on and coming back with better and more better work.

I am really trying to start from zero and thing time it is all about me. Writing is all about what you want to tell others rather that what other want to read. Because people will read only good thing once you give to them rather then they demand for it.

P.S.: It is almost 1 AM in the night and I really love this new me as write. :)